Yuffie's Quest for the Holy Materia
by Kris1
Summary: Here's a fic that I never thought that I'd finish. The ending is not very good, but the rest of the fic sort of is. It's a lighthearted fic in which Yuffie searches for the Holy materia. Well, rate it or bash it however you like! Here it is.


Yuffie's Quest For the Holy Materia  


  
"Gawd!" Yuffie exclaimed, flipping the channels on her TV in Cloud's house at Costa del Sol. "Things here have gotten so boring after we defeated Sephiroth. Now that was what you call adventure! Yuffie, materia hunter, was at her peak!" Yuffie stood up and flipped off the television. She was too absorbed in her speech to watch it any longer.  
  
"I had so much materia back then, and there was always the need and desire for more! But not now. All I can do now is sit around and watch reruns. I thought I'd be happy with almost all the materia in the world, but...what do I do now?" Yuffie plopped back onto the couch, sighing as she did so.  
  
"Yuffie, who are you talking to?" a voice asked from behind her.  
  
Yuffie whirled around, her hand instantly going to the place where her shuriken would have been. She had momentarily forgotten that she had left it in her room, along with all of her materia. Who would've thought that she'd need them at home?  
  
Instead of seeing the Turks or Scarlet or Sephiroth as she had expected, she found herself facing Vincent. He had a slightly amused expression on his face.  
  
"Oh, it's just you." Yuffie said dejectedly. The hand that had been going for her shuriken dropped to her side.  
  
"What do you mean 'it's just you'?" Vincent asked. "Who were you expecting- Sephiroth?"  
  
"Well, yes..." Yuffie saw Vincent's raised eyebrows and continued: "...and no. I know that it would be impossible for Sephiroth or Aeris to come back to life, but I miss fighting so much! I miss going materia hunting! Heck, I even miss stealing materia! Ah, those were the good old days."  
  
"Give it back," Vincent demanded.  
  
Yuffie sighed as she guiltily placed the stolen fire materia back into Vincent's open palm.  
  
"See? I can't even steal from you anymore without you noticing! I've lost the purpose to my life!" Yuffie said, over-dramatically putting the back of her palm to her forehead.  
  
"Yuffie, we've gotten too far from my original question: Who were you talking to in the first place?" Vincent asked. The semi-amused expression returned to his face.  
  
"Um..." Yuffie searched the room quickly with her eyes. It was entirely empty with the exception of herself and Vincent.  
  
"Cloud," Yuffie told Vincent seriously once she realized that no one else was in the room.  
  
"Where is he?" Vincent inquired, pretending that he hadn't seen Yuffie search the room.  
  
"Oh. He was here a second ago, but he had to use the bathroom, so he left." Yuffie replied without missing a beat.  
  
Vincent pointed to the bathroom. Its door was wide open, revealing that there was no one occupying it.   
  
Yuffie rolled her eyes as if the answer should be obvious. "Tifa was taking a shower or something at the time, so he went outside."  
  
Vincent looked her in the eyes. "Then where is he now?"  
  
This was a hard one to answer, Yuffie thought. If she said that Cloud was still outside, what would happen if he suddenly came walking through his room door and into this room-the den? Yuffie contemplated this for awhile, then decided to risk it. After all, what else could she say? That Cloud had suddenly been attacked by bears and dragged off? She started laughing in her head, imagining that scene. Then she realized that Vincent was still waiting for an answer.  
  
"If he's not in here, Vincent, where do you think he is? He's still outside, of course." Yuffie threw her hands up in mock exasperation. With that done, Yuffie walked to away towards the kitchen. She didn't want to hear any more of Vincent's stupid questions that made her feel as if she were backed into a corner.  
  
But, of course, Yuffie had gotten out of worse jams than this one. Like that time with Don Corneo. Yuffie shuddered at just the remembrance of that day in Wutai. This was actually an interesting jam, which made this previously boring day interesting, also. Thank the gods for small favors.  
  
Yuffie entered the kitchen and was surprised to see Cloud sitting at the table. If Vincent walked in here, her brilliant plan would be ruined! Well, not brilliant compared to all her other plans, but it should be considered brilliant in the amount of time that she had to think it up in.   
  
As if by thinking it she had willed it, she began to hear the sound of Vincent's boots on the tile floor. The sound was getting louder, so Yuffie knew that he was headed for the kitchen. What could she do? The answer: nothing. But then she thought it over and came up with another brilliant idea. Brilliant on her part, not so brilliant for Cloud.   
  
"Get in the cabinet!" Yuffie frantically whispered to Cloud, gesturing to a large cabinet.  
  
"What?!" Cloud asked her.  
  
"You heard me; get in." Yuffie replied calmly.  
  
"Why?" Cloud asked.  
  
"Because...um...because the Turks are invading. Yeah! That's it! Elena and the crew are invading our secret hideout!" Yuffie congratulated herself on yet another brilliant story to cover up the one that she had made up to tell Vincent.  
  
"Secret hideout?" Cloud looked at her questioningly. "And besides, we can beat them any day."  
  
"I don't think so, Cloud." Yuffie replied. "Um...Elena invented this new weapon or something, and it made them able to boost their materia to four times the normal strength. I think it would be safer to hide." Yuffie hoped that he would find this believable.  
  
He did. After one skeptical glance in her direction, Cloud began to climb into the cabinet.   
  
"Ugh! You're taking too slow!" Yuffie muttered, and decided to help. She gave Cloud a mighty shove that sent him quickly into the cabinet. "Oh, thank God!" Yuffie muttered under her breath.   
  
She hadn't been a second too soon, either. After she slammed the door to the cabinet shut, Vincent walked into the kitchen.  
  
"What are you doing now?" Vincent asked Yuffie.  
  
"I was looking for something in that cabinet, but it wasn't there. So I decided to slam it shut and look in another cabinet." Yuffie began searching the other cabinets with no actual object in her mind. She knew that Cloud wouldn't come out of his cabinet just yet; he wouldn't want to look like a complete idiot in front of his friends. At least she had that advantage on her side. She wasn't able to steal their materia as effectively anymore, but they still believed her stories. Yuffie snickered.  
  
It just dawned on her then that Vincent had asked her another question. Him and his questions! What was this-National Question Day?   
  
"What did you ask?" Yuffie asked him. Pretty soon she was going to ask him if it was National Question Day. She had never heard of it, but with Vincent's barrage of questions, it might actually exist.  
  
"I asked what you were looking for. I might be able to help you find it." Vincent replied.  
  
"I was just looking for my cereal." Yuffie told him.  
  
"It is in that cabinet." Vincent said.  
  
"No, it isn't." Yuffie replied. How could he blow her cover like this? Now she had to think of another story, and, frankly, she was running out of them, and fast!  
  
"Yes, it is. Want me to get it for you?" Vincent reached for the cabinet's handle.  
  
"NO!" Yuffie yelled, slapping his hand. "I mean, never mind. I don't feel much like cereal anymore. Why not...bacon?"  
  
"That's in that cabinet too." Vincent told her.  
  
"Um...a sandwich?"  
  
"Bread's in the cabinet."  
  
"WHY IS EVERYTHING IN THAT STUPID CABINET?" Yuffie demanded. How was she going to keep this story going if Vincent opened the cabinet and Cloud told him the truth that Yuffie was talking to herself? Everyone would think she was insane and would probably not be as afraid of Yuffie, the great materia ninja. It never dawned on Yuffie that no one was afraid of her at all, and so she had nothing to lose. In Yuffie's mind, everyone in their group was afraid of her, and thought that she should be their leader, but was too scared to suggest it.  
  
Just then Tifa walked into the kitchen. "Hey, have either of you seen Cloud? I haven't seen him all morning."  
  
"Aha!" Vincent exclaimed. "Now we'll see if your story checks out. Tifa, did you take a shower this morning?"  
  
Tifa looked at him, appalled. "Of course I did! Who do you think I am-Yuffie?"  
  
"Hey! I take showers!" Yuffie retorted.  
  
Vincent sighed. "I guess you weren't lying then."  
  
"Of course not! Why would I lie about something like that?" Yuffie asked innocently.  
  
"So no one would think that you were talking to yourself and so you could shove Cloud into that cabinet that you won't let me open." Vincent replied, watching Yuffie's face closely for any emotion.  
  
Yuffie kept her wits about her, as usual. "No, actually. But that's a good idea! Maybe I should try it sometime!" Now her face brightened. Among her other talents, Yuffie thought that she was a perfect actress.  
  
Now that Vincent believed her story entirely, Yuffie had to figure out how to get Cloud out of the cabinet. He probably wouldn't tell the others about her made- up story because he didn't want Tifa to think he was stupid, but he would probably hit her. And Yuffie could take that just fine. In fact, it was worth it for all the trouble that she had been able to cause this morning. Yuffie grinned.  
  
Then a new plan came to her. She had a vision of a light bulb suddenly lighting up in her head like in the cartoons, and she laughed. "I'm going to cook!" Yuffie exclaimed happily. That should get them out of the room. The last time she had tried to cook something, she hadn't shut the blender's cap tightly, and the mix had flown all over the room. Then there was the other time where she cooked dinner and the sausages had been burnt. Then there was the other time...Well, she could just go on and on about her bad cooking experiences, but, basically, the kitchen was now off-limits to everyone when Yuffie was cooking. At least, if they wanted to keep their cooking sanity.  
  
Her ruse worked (as usual), and Tifa and Vincent suddenly found an excuse to exit the kitchen...and get as far away from it as possible. They left quickly, but not quickly enough to be impolite. "I am the MASTER!" Yuffie yelled, pumping her arms up and down. She felt blessed to hang around with such stupid friends. They made her feel more superior than she really was(Was that possible? she wondered).   
  
"Cloud, you can get out now." Yuffie opened the cabinet door.  
  
The sight of Cloud all squashed up in the cabinet, which now seemed incredibly small, got Yuffie laughing again, and tears were streaming from her eyes by the time he got free.  
  
"The Turks were invading, was that what you said?" Cloud demanded angrily. "Elena invented a new weapon, you said. And for what? To make me part of your stupid plan?"  
  
Yuffie was laughing so hard that her stomach was beginning to cramp. If anyone came in here now, she would gladly tell them the entire story, if she could stop laughing for a few seconds, that was.   
  
Cloud shook his head. "Yuffie, when will you ever grow up?" He stormed out of the kitchen angrily.  
  
Yuffie was still giggling a little when everyone gathered in the kitchen half an hour later for breakfast. Tifa had cooked, of course. She was the only one who actually could cook out of the limited amount of people Yuffie knew. Well, besides Shera, but how often did she come over?  
  
Tifa seemed to be happy that Yuffie had decided to put her cooking plans aside, and they were served a huge breakfast. It consisted of pancakes, bacon, English muffins, blueberry muffins, and scrambled eggs.  
  
Yuffie grabbed a plate before anyone else and was soon shoving food down her throat as fast as she could. The others weren't annoyed by her table manners anymore; they had gotten used to it. Of course, when other people first met her, well, that was a different story...  
  
"It's so boring now these days!" Yuffie exclaimed with her mouth full.  
  
"I don't know. You seemed to be having a pretty good time talking to Cloud this morning," Vincent replied.  
  
"When?" Cloud asked, fearing the worst. Vincent had learned about Yuffie's cabinet story.  
  
"Don't you remember? About her excellence." Vincent replied. It never occurred to him that he could've unearthed Yuffie's master plan if only he had asked Cloud what the conversation was about.  
  
"Yeah, Cloud. When Tifa was in the shower?" Yuffie looked directly at Cloud, urging him silently with her mind to play along.  
  
"Oh...yeah, that. I had forgotten about that." Cloud replied, shooting a strange look back into Yuffie's direction.  
  
"But, as the Great and All-Powerful Yuffie was saying before, there's nothing to do now. Barret moved away to take care of Marlene, Cid went back to Shera (can't imagine why), Reeve quit his job being Cait Sith, Red XIII went back to Cosmo Canyon, and Sephiroth and Aeris are dead. Not that I miss Aeris, she was sort of boring, but Sephiroth was fun to fight." Yuffie listed these things off on her fingers as she spoke them. "And now I have practically ALL the materia in the universe, besides the black one, of course, so I have nothing to do!"  
  
"Oh, perfect, not this speech again," Vincent murmured.  
  
"Shut up!" Yuffie snapped.  
  
"You don't have all the materia, you know." Tifa replied.   
  
"What?!" Yuffie had been so sure that she did. Fire, Ice, Time, Mystify, she began listing her materia in her head. What was she missing?  
  
  
As if reading her mind, Tifa told her. "You don't have the Holy materia."  
  
"The WHAT materia?" Yuffie asked.  
  
"Don't you remember when Aeris died? She had the Holy materia in her hand and she dropped it when Sephiroth killed her. It fell into the water." Tifa replied.  
  
"Well, thanks, Cloud, for taking me!" Yuffie told Cloud sarcastically. Stupid Cloud had only taken Barret and Tifa. Yuffie hadn't even known that such a thing existed!  
  
"Yeah, but now you can't get it," Vincent said.  
  
"And exactly why not?" Yuffie stood up, and her chair fell over. She didn't even notice.  
  
"The fish is blocking the way down to the Ancient City or whatever that's down there." Vincent replied.  
  
"I can so get it!" And after a pause, "And I will!" Yuffie left the table to head outside. She would get that materia. And she would keep it all to herself. Who cared if a stupid fish was blocking the way. Maybe she could borrow some of Cid's equipment...  
  
* * * * *  
  
Shera and Cid had been surprised when Yuffie came barging into their house around lunchtime. Yuffie had been bored out of her wits at the table. Why did old people have to talk about such boring things? She never wanted to get old.   
  
Then Yuffie had asked Cid about the space program that had been canceled years ago. Talk about bottomless pits! He just went on and on about his rocket, explaining every detail, and this was somehow worse, even though it was semi-interesting.   
  
During the middle of it, Yuffie had excused herself, saying that she had things to do. She had told them that she was leaving through the back door. On her way there, she had stopped at Cid's room and taken his fishing pole and net. He didn't fish anymore, so he shouldn't miss them, she thought.  
  
Yuffie left the house and was now in the yard, where the Tiny Bronco had been when they first met Cid. Yuffie looked at the fishing pole and the net. Would these things even work?   
  
"They better," she said out loud. After all the trouble she had gone through...  
  
* * * * *  
  
The house was silent, and entirely dark at around midnight in Costa del Sol. This would be the perfect time for Phase 1 of Yuffie's master plan. She was sure that it would work. All she had to do was capture the fish, right? Then move it away, and find...what? A switch? What would happen then? And what would she do once she reached the Ancient Capital?  
  
These thoughts began to beat in rhythm in Yuffie's mind, trying to torment her endlessly with their repeating words, but she ignored them. She would tackle the problems once they came. Cross the bridge once she got to it, so to speak. Worrying only made your problems come faster.  
  
She grabbed her small pack off the shelf, and began to pack materia into it.   
  
"Fire, Full-Cure, Life...Wait, why would I need life? It's not like anyone's coming with me." Yuffie took out the Life materia and replaced it with Lightning. "Okay, 2x-Cut, Steal, Morph and Throw."   
  
She nodded. "That should be enough. Now to start this mission."   
  
Yuffie slowly sneaked out of her room, trying to avoid the creaking boards. But then again, she had played enough tricks on the others to know where each board was. Only once did her foot find one of the boards, and it squalled loudly.   
  
Yuffie froze immediately, looking from left to right like a robber trying to escape from the place that he has just robbed. Thankfully no one seemed to hear her. If they did, they must have just blamed it on a mouse, because no one came out to check on what or who had made the noise.  
  
Yuffie exhaled in a whoosh of air. Safe for now. And she had almost reached the door. She grabbed the doorknob and slowly twisted it, pulling the door towards her as she did so. The door decided that it was on her side, and it was absolutely silent throughout the entire process.  
  
Yuffie stepped outside lightly, closing the door cautiously. She took in a breath of cold, fresh air and shivered. Costa del Sol was quiet, and covered in the velvet blanket of night. The stars shone overhead, smiling down at her. Yuffie grinned back.   
  
Phase 1 was finished. She had considered telling the others, but she wanted the materia all to herself. Yuffie thought that if she told Cloud, he would want to come, and would want to keep the materia as a momento of "his beloved Aeris." Yuffie rolled her eyes. She would keep the materia. And she would tell them only once she got it...on her own.  
  
Yuffie looked back towards the house. Some small part of her wanted to go to get the others; it would be much easier that way, but she refused it. She would do this on her own. That way she would be able to keep the materia no matter what.   
  
Yuffie held the net in one hand and the fishing pole in the other. She would get that fish before it knew what hit it. She walked out of Costal del Sol, a single light figure against the silent black sky.  
  
In the parking lot, Yuffie spotted Cloud's sports car in ease. It was the only white BMW convertible there, and Yuffie knew that Cloud had paid a lot for it. And he would probably be worried sick when he found it missing.   
  
"Well, too bad for him." Yuffie jumped into the car and reached under the seat for the keys. She knew that Cloud always left them there. For one heart-stopping moment, she couldn't feel them, but her fingers found them before she was able to get worried.   
  
Yuffie pulled out the car keys, grinning down at her treasure. She put the keys in the ignition and started up the car, throwing the net, her pack, and the fishing pole in the passenger seat.   
  
"Now off to complete Phase 2! Time to drive down to....um...Gongola? Gongaga? What was that place? Wait! That's where the lifestream is! I have to go to Bone Village to go to the Ancient Capital! Yuffie, what is wrong with you today?" She shook her head, and started the car.  
  
She drove off, leaving Costa del Sol behind. For now, at least.  
  
Yuffie drove all night, only to remember that Bone Village was on another continent. She stopped the car as soon as she remembered this fact.  
  
"Yuffie! What are you going to do now?! You can't go back yet!" Yuffie was really upset at herself. It looked like she needed another plan.  
  
A smile touched her lips as a plan presented itself in her mind. She'd go back to Cid's. He now had a Tiny Bronco 2, a new plane designed after his old one. She could take that. She was sure he wouldn't mind.   
  
Yuffie turned the wheel, switching her direction. She was close to the house, she knew that much. Where had she been driving to, anyways? She shouldn't be so close to his house, but that was a good advantage.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"What the-" Cid asked out loud. He had been working on restoring his boat when he heard the whirring noise. Cid ran outside to see the Tiny Bronco 2 lifting off.   
  
"Not again!" Cid groaned, thinking that the Turks had stolen his plane. Then he saw Yuffie in the pilot's seat. That was somehow even worse than the thought of the Turks. At least they knew what they were doing. Yuffie just looked like she was having fun. So why did she have to take his plane for a joyride?  
  
That was when Cid saw Cloud's BMW parked a few feet away from Rocket Town. So Yuffie had decided to take a joyride in Cloud's car, too? What was she up to now?, he wondered.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Hey! This is sort of fun!" Yuffie yelled above the noise. "Now I know why Cid likes it so much!"  
  
She swerved the plane so that it was headed in the direction of Bone Village. Yuffie smiled. Phase 2 would soon be complete.  
  
It wasn't long before she saw the snow of the Arctic continent break her view of the ocean touching the horizon. So she was there, then. Bone Village!   
  
"YIPPEE!" Yuffie yelled, raising one fist to the air. "HOLY MATERIA, HERE I COME!"   
  
She took the plane down, skimming the water before landing near the village. It wouldn't be too long now. All she had to do was go through the Enchanted Forest? or was it the Sleeping Forest? Whatever it was, she just had to go through it, get the fish out of the way, and find the materia, right? Piece of cake. Yuffie had never been so wrong in her life.  
  
Yuffie grabbed her pack and her fishing stuff as she climbed out of the plane. Cloud had never taken her to Bone Village before. He was probably jealous of her excellent materia skills, or something like that.   
  
Because Cloud had never brought Yuffie to Bone Village, she did not know that she needed the Lunar Harp. Because of this, when she entered the Sleeping Forest, she instantly became lost.  
  
"Where am I going?" Yuffie mumbled as she stumbled over a branch. "Cloud didn't mention anything about having to find your way through these woods." She looked around, and saw trees everywhere. How did one find their way through this place, anyway?  
  
"I guess that I should head in just one direction," Yuffie muttered. "Wouldn't want that materia to get away from me." She looked up into the sky, and decided that she would follow the sun. That way she would be heading....east? or was it west?   
  
"Who cares? As long as I go in one direction." Yuffie travelled in that same direction for a while, using the sun as her compass. She might have still been able to find her way to the Ancient Capital by using this method, but, unfortunately, she never got a chance to find out.  
  
This time, when Yuffie tripped over a fallen tree, she could not catch herself fast enough to prevent falling. She fell over the log and landed on her stomach, which knocked the wind out of her. To make matters worse, the ground here was steep, and Yuffie found herself sliding down a muddy hill. She held her arms in front of her face to protect herself, and, as a result, got her arms covered in scratches.   
  
Before, at least, she had a vague idea of where she was heading. By the time that she could see the bottom of this hill, she had no idea whatsoever. Yuffie's head struck a rock at the bottom of the embankment, and she was knocked out cold. Her limp body finished the ride, though, and she landed near a winding path that Cloud, Tifa, and Barret would have instantly recognized. Yuffie was on her way to the Ancient Capital.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Yuffie regained consciousness a few hours later. She rubbed her forehead to try to clear her mind. When she brought back her hand, she saw that it had blood on it, but she was too dazed to notice.   
  
She gazed around stupidly, momentarily wondering why Cloud's house had suddenly been overtaken by trees and paths and huts before she remembered where she was. But she didn't actually know where she was, so this just confused Yuffie to an even deeper extent.  
  
"Oh, perfect. Now where am I?" Yuffie mumbled as she sat up. She looked around. Maybe she was...  
  
"YES!" Yuffie shrieked. She must be near the ancient capital! Now all she had to do was find the stupid fish. But where could it be? Next time Cloud went somewhere, she was going to make him take her with him.   
  
She looked ahead and saw a area full of trees. She guessed that would be a good place to start searching. Looking around, she located her pack and her net a few feet to her left. The pole was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Damn!" Yuffie cursed under her breath. She wanted that fishing pole, and now what would she tell Cid? Well, she supposed that he didn't even know that she had it, so...  
  
"So it's just not my problem," Yuffie snorted. She grabbed the net and her pack, checking to make sure that no materia had been stolen. If one had, she would track down the person who stole it and would kill them in the most painful way possible...after retrieving her materia and taking theirs, of course.  
  
Thankfully, none had been stolen, which made Yuffie both happy and sad. She had wanted to steal someone's materia. It would've been fun. But, unfortunately for her, there was no one in sight, and Yuffie had no ideas of heading back to just steal someone's materia. She wanted that holy materia, and she would get it.  
  
With these thoughts in her mind, she headed off to the forest area, slinging her pack over one shoulder. Yuffie whistled as she walked, looking around her. The path branched into three sections now, one to the right, one to the left, and one forward into the trees. Yuffie decided that she wanted to go to the trees, so she continued forward.   
  
She looked around, seeing the small lake and a tiny hut. Wasn't that lake where Aeris was? How unsettling. Yuffie ran towards the hut. Hadn't someone mentioned something or another about a fish in a hut when they had been talking about the holy materia? She was so excited that she sprinted into the hut.  
  
Once in the small cottage, she looked around and saw it. "The fish," she murmured almost reverently, knowing that it was the only thing barring her path to the holy materia.  
  
She held up her net. "I'll get you, you stupid fish!" Yuffie charged towards the fish and tried to scoop it up into her net, but it wouldn't budge. "Oh, crap!" Yuffie threw the net aside. "Now how am I supposed to get this fish out of the way?"  
  
She sat for awhile when a bright idea suddenly hit her. She pulled out her fire materia and blasted the fish. Nothing happened. Yuffie started pulling out all her materia, and by the end of this process, Yuffie's MP was almost drained, and the fish still remained. Yuffie was beginning to get upset.  
  
She leaned against the wall, wondering what she could do, when she saw something beneath the fish, hidden in the seaweed. Could that be...? Was it...? "YES, it's a switch!" Yuffie pumped her arms up and down. She dove into the water and pushed the switch.   
  
"Uh, oh," Yuffie muttered as the water began to drain, taking her and the fish down towards the bottom. Yuffie saw the glass staircase and looked around, but the water just kept getting lower and lower. She saw the little circular stepping-stones and the water got even lower. Then Yuffie looked down, and there it was, in all of its splendor and beauty. The water got low enough that Yuffie could dive down and grab it.   
  
Yuffie held up the holy materia reverently and kissed it. "Finally...after all this time..." Yuffie now stood waist-deep in the water, and she held up the materia to the light. "Hey, this stupid thing doesn't even do anything!" Then another thing dawned on her. "...How am I supposed to get out of here?"  
  
She looked around and could see no way up. "Oh, man!"  
  


THE END   


  
  
  
  



End file.
